The continuing story of a group of semi-competent park employees and their hunt for a mysterious creature that might be an alligator, but definitely is not a bear because there are no bears here. This is Florida’s only bear-free park. YOU HEAR THAT, SAMMY?
(Also, I completely screwed up last week and uploaded the wrong version of episode 1, which was cut off at the wrong place. If you heard that one before I fixed it, you might want to skip ahead about 7 minutes.)
A lovestruck mycologist, an oblivious park ranger, a snarky trailblazer, and a machete-wielding himbo try to catch the mysterious creature lurking in their park, while being investigated by a tabloid reporter.
The sheriff comes seeking revenge, but she’s a minor threat compared to the destruction unleashed by a simple nature witch with a cursed sword. Meanwhile, Jenna gets caught up in a dramatic sword fight over a waterfall, and Asheara’s destiny is getting closer, but first she has to not crash this broom…
The trio continue their preparations for battle… by going to a hidden cave and digging up some obviously cursed items! Asheara’s destiny creeps closer, with a strange humming device and, oh yeah, an extra star in the sky. Jenna worries. Mia should worry, but doesn’t. Fortunately they’re backed up by a bunch of retired outlaws, because the sheriff is bringing more than they expected.
In this week’s episode, the thirstiest trio of sword lesbians make a foolproof plan to deal with the sheriff and get the previous generation of witches and bandits in their village on board.
And yes, I know the title has very little to do with the story. Queen of Thieves was what I called the series when I first listed it on the Gauntlet, with the idea that it was going to be “Queer Robin Hood.” This turned out to be more like a 30-years-later sequel to the game I’d planned, but the title stuck. If “queen of thieves” refers to anyone, it’s probably Slithering Phoebe? Anyway, don’t let it fool you, there’s no big heist coming. Sorry.
Actual play of Thirsty Sword Lesbians. In this session, everyone fails social rolls. Asheara sees portents and prophesies, Jenna talks to ghosts, and Mia talks to someone she shouldn’t. The new sheriff wants revenge and maybe to take over their village, but who has time to worry about that, when there’s infinite social awkwardness to navigate, a witch’s garden to be attacked by, and love potions to make?
Also, we learn that what really separates a village from an outlaw camp is a potato farm.
In this actual play of Thirsty Sword Lesbians, we create our outlaw camp turned legitimate-ish village, meet our heroes: two witches and a Chosen One with a mysterious destiny and no magical skills; and watch them solve very mundane problems in the most extra ways possible.
Mark joins the game, playing the ghost! Mia, Onyx, and Sammy fumble through awkward misunderstandings and even more awkward revelations as they prepare for a ritual to… get rid of the ghost? Somehow? Oh, whatever, we’ll figure it out when we get there. It’ll be fine.
In a series of awkward conversations, our heroes(?) discover that the ghost is more familiar than they thought, Mia confesses her feelings to Tamara, Onyx faces Laurene’s wrath, and Sammy gives Jason the wrong impression. Also, some very bad plans are made, and apparently half the town is going to show up for the ritual.